If you’re reading this, chances are you’re looking for advice for yourself or a dad you know who is going through a divorce. As someone who has seen a good friend go through this painful process, I can tell you that it’s never easy, but it doesn’t have to break you either.
Here’s Jake’s Advice
- Stay Calm and Stay Focused: Don’t let emotions drive your decisions.
- Focus on Co-Parenting: Your children’s well-being comes first, no matter how you feel.
- You need to seek support: Whether through friends, family, or professional counselors, you don’t have to go through it alone.
- Watch out for your state of mind: A divorce will take its toll on your state of mind because your emotions will try to get in the way! Be in the right state of mind.
- Think Long-Term, Not Short-Term: The decisions you make now will affect your future and that of your children.
I remember watching my friend Jake go through his divorce. At first, it seemed like his life had shattered.
One day, he was coming home from work to a full house; the next, he was living alone in a small apartment.
But over time, I saw how he adapted, found strength, and made choices that worked for him and his kids. He shared meaningful pieces of his struggles with me — advice I believe every dad going through a divorce should hear.
You should…
1. Accept the Emotional Impact
I think divorce is one of the most emotionally draining experiences you’ll go through as a man or even as a woman. Your emotions will take you through different moods: from feeling anger and sadness to frustration and even guilt. You have to allow yourself to feel all these emotions.
Denying them won’t make things easier; acknowledging them will give you the space to heal. There may be times you’ll want to cry, vent, or be left alone! You shouldn’t do what you’ll regret in those vulnerable moments.
2. Don’t Forget Yourself
Your children will likely feel the effects of the divorce just as profoundly as you and your wife do. They’ll need your support, attention, and love now more than ever. You can’t be there for them if you don’t take care of yourself.. It’s not selfish to prioritize your well-being, as it helps you stay in the right frame of mind.
3. Keep Communication Open with Your Ex
While it may feel impossible at times, you should keep communication lines with your ex open, but respectful. Avoid falling into the trap of petty arguments or using your kids as pawns.
Jake said he was tempted several times to use them as pawns, and most dads (even moms) will do that if the opportunity presents itself.
I like how Armand in the Tulsa King series didn’t use his kids as pawns.
You should focus on how to handle your co-parenting tasks well. Find a way to keep discussions about your children neutral and non-confrontational. A peaceful relationship, no matter how strained, will benefit everyone in the long run.
4. Understand Your Legal Rights and Responsibilities
Divorce comes with legal matters that can be overwhelming. Please don’t ignore them, hoping they’ll work themselves out. They may not, and one mistake on your part can cost you dearly.
You have to take the time to understand your legal rights, especially when it comes to child custody, financial matters, child support, and any other agreements you’ll need to settle.
It’s worth consulting a lawyer to ensure you’re not missing anything that could impact your future or the future of your kids.
5. Don’t Rush Into a New Relationship
After a divorce, like many other men, you’ll find yourself tempted to start a new relationship quickly. It’s not a good idea, even though you think it’s a worthy distraction from the pain of what you’re going through.
Jake said taking this step too soon can cause you to experience more emotional complications down the road.
Therefore, you should take the time to get over your experience and heal. A new relationship can wait until you’re truly ready to give it the time and energy it deserves.
6. Find a Support System
One piece of advice I can give any dad going through a divorce (in Jake’s words) is to find a support system. For some, it’s their family and friends, while for others, it’s a therapist; having people you can lean on will make a huge difference.
Don’t tell yourself that you don’t need a shrink – you do!
Jake said he isolated himself in the beginning, but then he quickly realised that isolating himself only made him feel worse about the divorce. Having someone to talk to, even if it’s to vent, can help you stay grounded.
7. Financial Planning is Key
Your finances will take a hit during a divorce. It’s important to sit down with a financial advisor to work out how things will look moving forward. You can go ahead and do this on your own without a financial advisor if you’re looking at saving.
But don’t skip this stage!
Budgeting for child support, splitting assets, and re-establishing your financial independence may be overwhelming, but proper planning is crucial. Take control of your finances early, so you don’t find yourself caught off guard.
8. Don’t Lose Sight of Your Goals
Amidst the chaos, you’ll be so worked up that you won’t realise you’ve lost sight of your personal goals and dreams. The process can feel all-consuming; remember who you are outside of the divorce. As a dad, your actions speak volumes to your kids.
They’ll be looking to you for emotional cues on how to handle this challenging situation. In your angry and snd moments, stay patient, calm, and kind, even when you don’t feel like.
Show them that while the situation is difficult, it doesn’t have to define who they are or how they handle adversity in the future.
9. Be Patient
Lastly, be patient with yourself. Divorce is not something that gets resolved overnight. Healing takes time. You’ll have good days and bad days, but with each day, you’ll get stronger.
Closing Thoughts
Divorce is undoubtedly one of the most challenging experiences a father can go through. But it’s not the end of your story.
Patiently process your emotions, work through the legal and financial aspects, and rebuild your life. Countless men have walked this path, and many of them are now stronger and more fulfilled because of it.
